If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
