I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
