the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
