I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
