Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
