David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
