WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
