I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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