So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
