I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
