...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
