i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
