dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
