First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize