I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
