My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
