Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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