i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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