New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Pants are for mortals
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize