I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
