awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
