were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
