How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize