when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
zippers are such a cool invention
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
