I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize