New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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