kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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