well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize