I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
