strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
