I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
