I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
