the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize