Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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