Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just invented taco cereal.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
