Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
