sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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