I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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