It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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