the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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