the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
