Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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