Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
