i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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