no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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