my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
