I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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