I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
