Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
