I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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