U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
