spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
