Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
