i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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