It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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