I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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