who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
