Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
