dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
