im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
