That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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