Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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